Why I Don’t Own Pets (or have children)

(Sally: This one has some things you may take issue with. I wouldn’t recommend it. Not today anyway.)

Not too long ago a buddy of mine was visiting me in sunny south Florida. Right before he left to make the atrocious 11-hour drive back to Nashville he decided to impart some unsolicited words of wisdom on me. He informed me that the one thing that would “complete” me “as a man” would be a little puppy. To this ridiculous statement (as if I need anything to complete me as a man, I’m pretty darn perfect) I laughed, and told him that would never happen. He attempted to convince of me of his idea for what seemed like way too long to be discussing whether or not I should own a puppy, and when his attempts ended fruitless he started his venture back to Nashville (leaving the better portion of his clothes in my dryer. I hope he doesn’t need those anytime soon).  Continue reading Why I Don’t Own Pets (or have children)

Some Days I Do Feel Regret

(*Sally, stop reading at this point. If you pass this sentence you are basically signing a waiver that you will not be upset with what you read, nor will you blame yourself for being a bad parent or think you failed or anything of the such. Do not move forward, and don’t get your friends to tell you about this story either*)

Long before I became the exceptional person many of you know today, I was a completely different type of exceptional. I was well liked by most everybody who knew me, I had friends I could rely on whenever I needed them, and I cared just little enough about anybody I came across I had a certain magnetic appeal which made people get very attached to me (so basically, I guess, I was exactly the same as I am now). Continue reading Some Days I Do Feel Regret