The Four Cannoli

(*Sally, I am certain this one will not offend you. Feel free to read this*)

As I have recently found out, due to the typing of this story, the plural of cannoli is in fact “cannoli”. So no matter if you are talking about one cannoli, or six of the delicious treats it is proper to just say cannoli. That has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but I just found it to be an interesting tidbit of information.

While I was a server (being completely PC and gender neutral) at an Italian place in Nashville I had the wonderful pleasure of working on Sunday nights (I want you all to go back and reread that sentence with a highly sarcastic voice). Let me tell you why people who come into a restaurant on Sundays are quite possibly the worst people in the entire world. Continue reading The Four Cannoli

Always Be Thankful You Know Me

(*Sally, you may read this story since you have already heard this story a few times. I think the important part here is, “I was not driving this particular night.”*)

Yes, I understand how terribly arrogant the title sounds (and for anyone who knows me this probably makes perfect sense). But it is exceptionally true people should be thankful they know me (and yes, you know I am referring to you). Not only because of my winning personality and wonderful demeanor but also due to the fact I have the ability to save people not only from themselves, but also differing law enforcement agencies. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but a precedent has been set in my past and all I would like in return for my uncanny ability to make friends is some gratitude when I help a person out. Continue reading Always Be Thankful You Know Me

Some Days I Do Feel Regret

(*Sally, stop reading at this point. If you pass this sentence you are basically signing a waiver that you will not be upset with what you read, nor will you blame yourself for being a bad parent or think you failed or anything of the such. Do not move forward, and don’t get your friends to tell you about this story either*)

Long before I became the exceptional person many of you know today, I was a completely different type of exceptional. I was well liked by most everybody who knew me, I had friends I could rely on whenever I needed them, and I cared just little enough about anybody I came across I had a certain magnetic appeal which made people get very attached to me (so basically, I guess, I was exactly the same as I am now). Continue reading Some Days I Do Feel Regret

Loose Teeth and Cartwheels

(This story is rated safe for Sally to read. Somebody please inform her she is allowed to read this story in its entirety.)

One of my friends (and of course loyal followers) told me he wanted me to write a story about an early memory of mine. He said he loves my stories where I just talk about how great I am (each word very true) but wants to see a story in which I possibly don’t end up even better than I was before. It took me a long time to find that story. Today, while talking to a girl I should not be speaking to, I remembered the one story where I didn’t really learn a lesson, and it actually affected me negatively for many years to come. At least this is my theory on how my awkward teenage years happened.
Continue reading Loose Teeth and Cartwheels

My Last Prayer

I kind of subscribe to my own sort of religion.

(*Sally, this story is okay for you to read if you don’t mind the fact that I admit fully that I am not a religious person anymore. If you mind I would recommend skipping down three paragraphs and stopping three or so early*)

I am not a religious person. Anyone who has read many of my stories already knows this. I describe myself agnostic, or “the poor man’s atheist.” What many people don’t know is I was  not always this way. In fact, I was an exceptionally religious person for along period of my life. I   was very involved in church groups, the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes, or as my buddy Fink has called it since high school, “The Federation”.) and Young Life. I was even a puppeteer who performed plays about God at different Vacation Bible Schools or in front of churches. We even won a couple of awards at national competitions (in Hershey, PA. Which I always looked forward to because the chocolate factory was basically my crack den when I was 14). I was one  of those kids that would stand around the flag pole that one day of the school  year to support prayer in schools. I was dedicated to the cause. I definitely was not the same person I am today. All of who I was, lead me to who I am, but it is hard to believe I was who I was back then, especially knowing me now.
Continue reading My Last Prayer